Who is an 'incel' and how do you identify them?

Some terms used to describe this group of people include undersexed, perpetually single or dating shy.

What is an incel? Wikipedia defines an incel, which is short for "involuntary celibate," as a person who identifies as being unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one.

Incels are predominantly male and many of them hold misogynistic views, often expressing extreme bitterness and resentment towards women.

The term incel was first coined in 1993 by a Canadian woman named Alana, who created a website for people who were struggling with loneliness and isolation. However, the term was later adopted by a group of people who began to use it to describe themselves as victims of women.

Over the years, the meaning of incel has evolved and taken on a darker connotation. People who identify as an incel, harbour toxic ideologies, anger, and resentment. In many countries of our world, incels hold misogynistic beliefs and even advocate for violence against women, which has led to concerns about the negative impact on their society.

It may surprise you that there have been a number of high-profile mass shootings carried out by incels, including the 2014 Isla Vista killings and the 2018 Toronto van attack.

Note, however, that, not all incels are violent. The vast majority of them are simply lonely and frustrated people.

In Nigeria, however, there has been a growth of the incel movement on our social media platforms, specifically on X, formerly known as Twitter. These angry men refer to themselves as 'kings' or 'alpha males' and derive joy in shaming women unnecessarily. They listen to a certain social media 'life coach' who teaches them how to be 'high-value' men. His teachings support misogyny and shaming women emotionally and financially. Unfortunately, the sensible men opposing and condemning this behaviour are called weak and referred to as 'simps'. They argue that those in opposition are not men enough and are desperate for female attention.

Here are five traits commonly associated with incels:

1. Misogyny: Incels have a deep hatred and resentment of women. They may objectify women or see them as inferior to men.

2. Self-pity: Incels have a victim mentality, believing that the world is against them. They constantly complain about being rejected by women and attribute their lack of success to their appearance, social status and even genetics.

3. Entitlement: Incels have a sense of entitlement to romantic or sexual relationships, even when they are not willing to put in the effort to find a partner. They also believe that women owe them respect, simply because they are men and become angry or violent when rejected.

4. Self-loathing: Incels have low self-esteem and hate themselves.

5. Isolation: Incels spend a lot of time alone and they struggle with forming and maintaining relationships with others.

If you think that you may be dealing with an obsessive incel, you need to protect yourself and your peace of mind by avoiding and blocking them online.

If you identify as an incel, seek help.